The Alien connection
by sueKay-04
Summary: DISCONTINUED: My first Red Dwarf Fanfic! A year and a half after series 8, the Dwarfers are released from the tank. I know the title seems odd, but it'll make sense soon. Please R&R.
1. D Day part 1

The Alien Link  
  
Hiya. This is my first Red Dwarf story. I'm a new writer, so feedback is greatly appreciated. Sorry about the problems last time this story was online. I'm new to all this stuff. As for my punctuation, I hope it's a little better this time around. This is set a year and a half after series eight and deals with what the Dwarfers do when they are released from the Tank. I've also tried to sort out the end of series cliffhanger, but since I haven't seen it, there may be a few discrepancies.  
  
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Chapter one – D-Day  
  
"Rimmer."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Rimmer!"  
  
Arnold J Rimmer let out a long sigh. *It* was in one of those moods.  
  
"What?!" he repeated exasperated.  
  
"Okay, okay man...chill." Moaned Lister  
  
"Well, what is it?"  
  
"How are you feeling?"  
  
"About what exactly?!"  
  
"About getting outta here! Are you looking forward to it?" said the younger man matter-of-factly.  
  
"No" replied Rimmer, monotone  
  
"WHAT? We've been in this cell for a year and a half. We're only allowed out on suicide missions, we're finally getting out and all you can do is sit there and mope!" Lister was visibly annoyed.  
  
"That's because we're getting let out onto a stinking, filthy mining ship, where life's not worth a smeg!" Rimmer shifted restlessly on his bunk. "On top of that, the only people I now outrank are the Cat, Kryten and the laboratory mice, and none of them have a rank! Even you outrank me, Gerbil Chops!"  
  
"Great...innit!"  
  
"No it's smegging well not great!"  
  
"It's your own bleedin' fault you got demoted"  
  
"Hmmph"  
  
"You fired on Blue Midget"  
  
"I thought you were the enemy"  
  
"You got into that parallel universe thing right, and pirates that'd hijacked the ship told you that you were their captain and you fell for it! Boy are you gullible. It was up to us to get you back here. We managed to get to the other universe using a black...hole...or something like that. I can't remember exactly what. Todhunter told me"  
  
"A quantum singularity"  
  
"Whatever...Anyway, we find you and you open fire!"  
  
"If I'd known who it was, I wouldn't have attacked you"  
  
"Or called Captain Hollister and arsehole! I'll never forget the look on your face, when we led you back here and he took off your little second technician's badge - and gave it to me!"  
  
Rimmer remembered it too well. One of his few honest accomplishments was ripped away, and handed to his nemesis.  
  
"Oh that little obnoxious look of glee on your ugly mug. I could have killed you!"  
  
"No you couldn't – you're a weakling"  
  
"Want to bet?"  
  
"Sure, how much?" said Lister reaching for his back pocket  
  
Rimmer glared at the scouser as his anger simmered away. List had put him through years of hell, and Rimmer would be damned if he'd let Lister away with it.  
  
A sigh broke his chain of thoughts, and looking up, he saw Lister put away a little plastic watch.  
  
"Five minutes to go" He muttered  
  
Thank god."  
  
Looking at his cellmate, he realised how glum he suddenly looked.  
  
"What's up?" Rimmer offered "Five full minutes" Lister grumbled before adding "Five minutes – with you" "Never mind Listy. It should pass quickly"  
  
After what felt like five hours, Lister's old friend Chen appeared at the door of the cell.  
  
"All right Lister my son" Chen chirped  
  
"Not bad man"  
  
"Petersen's got a kamikaze hot chicken vindaloo all ready for you"  
  
"What for?"  
  
"For putting up with third technician smeg head for so long" Chen let out a gritty laugh, while a winsome grin broke out on Lister's face.  
  
"Oh smeg off" barked Rimmer.  
  
"Don't curse at you superiors Rimmer" Chen smirked  
  
"Yeah. To quote my former superior officer, 'You're on report squire'" At this comment, Rimmer sighed. Bringing his hands up to cover his face, he let out a large groan and turned to face the mesh 'wall' at his bunk.  
  
"Come on Rimmer. Let's get outta this joint!" and with that, Lister sprung to his feet.  
  
Bending down, he picked up a scruffy beige duffel bag. It had once been white, but was now dank and damp and stank to high heavens. Lister slung the duffel over his shoulder, and headed for the door of the cell. Slowly, Chen unveiled a small key. Placing it in the lock, he gave it a sharp twist and the door creaked open.  
  
Peeling himself off his bunk, Rimmer grabbed his old tatty red suitcase. It hadn't always been tatty, but wear and tear along with the infamous Chicken soup nozzle incident had stained it beyond redemption. Rimmer thought back to that day. A man named Wilson had been made a temporary third technician. He'd neglected to service the vending machines. The chicken soup vendor had subsequently become clogged. Chicken soup backed up in the ship's innards, before bursting and flooding the Tank. The ship's brig just happened to be located in the Tank.  
  
Rimmer strode purposefully towards the door, not looking back at the hovel of a cell he and Lister had shared for almost two smegging years.  
  
Well what do you think? Please read and Review. All feedback is welcome. I'll be updating this soon. 


	2. D Day part 2

Well, here is Chapter 2  
  
Sorry it's taken so long, but my computer decided to die on me. I'm having to use the local library to type things up.  
  
This is gonna get pretty big lengthwise, and I've got some Ideas that I'm pondering.  
  
I want to make Rimmer good at something cos I feel sorry for him, and I want to make one of the dwarfers a real alien. If you think these are bad ideas, please let me know before I write anything else.  
  
Thanx to Ace_of_Spades for the encouragement, and Thanx to Kuja Akuma and Lynn Luthor for the pointers. I hope my punctuation has improved! Please R&R.  
  
D-Day 2  
  
Kryten was happy beyond words. Today he would get out of the tank, but this was not the reason for his joy.  
  
Kryten's cellmate Christine Kochanski had been released earlier in the day, leaving piles of rubbish and washing at her back. Kochanski had become quite the layabout during her year and a half in the tank due to the fact that Kryten was always there, eager and willing to clean up her mess. If Kochanski's cellmate had been anyone else, they would have been suitably miffed. But Kryten was a sanitation mechanoid with a lust for cleaning. Having filled a pail with soapy suds, he grabbed his mop and set to work. His happiness was going to be short-lived, as first officer Todhunter appeared at the door of the cell.  
  
Looking at his cellmates sat in the Tank's Messhall, the Cat felt a twinge of pain, and it wasn't from the food. The last eight years had been a gift from Cloister the Stupid, as for this time, his title as the 'King of Cool' had been undisputed. His fellow Dwarfers had no style or sophistication and his cellmates...well...you can imagine!  
  
Now the Cat was terrified. He was being let out onto a ship where he'd be seen as a misfit. Not only that, but he'd heard that some of the ship's female officers were better dressed than him. Oh the shame. Grabbing his manicure kit, the Cat set to work grooming. He was determined to remain the King of cool.  
  
Lister's moon boots clanked along the grey metal floor of the Tank. He, Chen and Rimmer had been walking for a full half-hour, and were still inside the confines of the Tank. Red Dwarf was one big ship. Glancing back, he saw Rimmer, his face twisted in concentration. Something was bugging him and Lister resolved to find out what.  
  
Rimmer was trailing several metres behind him and Chen, who was babbling some incoherent nonsense about Selby and a Scutter. Normally, Lister would listen rapt to his friend's inane chatter, but his mind was elsewhere like Rimmer's. While his catering officer friend had spent a meagre two years cooking curries and laughing at flatulence jokes, Lister had been lost in space for over three million years. During that time, he'd seen time running backwards, played pool with planets, given birth to twins and become his own father. This therefore ensured humanity's survival, as humanity could never truly die out. Trust fate to put the burden of humanity's future on his shoulders. To add to his already large piles of worries, he'd spent almost two years in a prison cell with a man who had a passion for Risk™ and Telegraph Poles.  
  
Chen was still spewing out silly tales of his escapades on Red Dwarf, but Lister was no longer in the least bit interested. The truth had just smacked him on the face – he'd changed.  
  
Rimmer had changed to he realised. Ol' Goalpost head was not as superficial as he had once been. Rimmer had actually grown and changed a lot. He'd even shown bravery (albeit once), but had nothing to show for the past few years of his life.  
  
While his hologramatic counterpart had done a lot of things and had even become the superhero Ace Rimmer, all the real Rimmer had to show for his years of loyal service to the JMC were three long service medals, two swimming certificates, no rank and a criminal record.  
  
Life hadn't been good to Rimmer.  
  
Lister once again turned his thoughts inward, to his own trials and tribulations. He'd been promoted to second technician (at Rimmer's expense). He'd had a baby with the woman of his dreams (the baby actually being himself causing one hell of a paradox!). He'd given birth to Jim and Bexley, his beloved sons, and become friends with the Cat, Kryten and Holly the ship's computer. Lister had even become an expert at mechanoid maintenance.  
  
The most important thing he'd found was himself. Lister had spent most of his life drifting; feeling lost as his parents had abandoned him. Lister spent years of his life looking for signs of his parentage, but to no avail. Disheartened, he'd wasted his younger years – a result of his anger. He'd so many questions to ask his real father. Why had he been abandoned? Why? Lister smiled inwardly. He knew now.  
  
Kochanski had asked Lister to father her child through an in-vitro tube. As she was leaving, Lister noticed that one of her belongings had 'Ouroboros' written on it. Perplexed, he'd asked Kryten what it meant. The rest had fallen into place.  
  
When his son was old enough, they placed him in an 'Ouroboros' battery box and left in a pub in the twentieth century, where he was adopted by Lister's adoptive parents. Lister was his own father.  
  
Lister suddenly felt a wave of sympathy for Rimmer, as he'd gained so much in his life while Rimmer had lost everything of value.  
  
Chen was still babbling, recounting a tale involving Petersen and a triplicator.  
  
"Chen man. Could you go and get Todhunter." asked Lister.  
  
"Yeah sure. Why?"  
  
"To find out our parole conditions." replied Lister.  
  
"Oh, all right." Chen gave Lister a toothless grin. "See ya soon matey!"  
  
"Yeah, bye." Responded Lister "Rimmer?"  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"What do you think you'll do now we're out?"  
  
"Pass the engineer's exam!" Rimmer replied with a trademark smarmy grin.  
  
"But you hate engineering. Why don't you do something you enjoy?"  
  
"Like..."  
  
"Ah don't know. You like music don't you? You could learn a new instrument."  
  
Rimmer turned and glared at Lister.  
  
"Or of course...eh...you could take up the Hammond organ again"  
  
"Hmmph" came Rimmer's response  
  
"Alright. I was just saying..."  
  
"Well don't!"  
  
The pair continued walking in silence for another half-hour.  
  
Chapter three coming up! 


End file.
